Monthly Archives: January 2013

F is for Feedback


I’m excited, interested, blown away and chuffed at the responses I’ve had to this blog so far – thank you! I really do love to hear what you guys are thinking – whether you agree with me or not – I’d love to get your input.

This blog is an open house for everyone and anyone and I passionately want it to be a channel for your voices too – your thoughts, feelings and questions are valued here.

Some of these posts will be silly and some will be serious but all are a valid and genuine part of my journey as a person and as a woman.

Thanks again!


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Hairy Mary


I get frustrated when people think feminists hate men. Feminism is not about hating men.

It’s about EVERYTHING and everyone and every day normal big and small things and people and choices and challenges and fun and love and work and parenting and thinking and pain and freedom and all sorts of glorious things life throws at us as women.

It’s a safe space for women to express themselves freely, and sometimes that is to let out cries of frustration and longing from living within a male dominated world (and I don’t mean ‘male dominated’ in a 2D way).



Fun Fact: I am a lover of documentaries and I love to learn. BOOM!

I was watching one the other day and was distressed and saddened to hear a woman state that ‘body hair is unnatural for women’. The general idea of the documentary was following a group of women who had been challenged by the program makers to stop any kind of hair removal for one month. There was me thinking what an easy challenge that was!

Again I was distressed by a conversation that took place between one of the women taking part in the challenge and her group of friends aged between 35 and 45. The disgust and utter disgrace that was being placed upon this woman by her friends was shocking. Comments such as

‘that’s just wrong’

‘you look like a man’


‘I feel sick’

floored me.

Over the course of the month these women had break downs, lost boyfriends, retreated from their social lives, lost self-esteem, received abuse from friends, family and total strangers, thought of themselves as ‘unnatural’ and ‘wrong’ and not one of them made it to the end of the month.


The New York Times Fashion and Style section featured an article on famous women who choose not to shave. Here’s a mini chunk…

“On the red carpet, if a woman has hairy legs or armpits, it is assumed to be an accidental misstep — a failure of time management, if you will. But that hasn’t been true lately. In January, at the Golden Globes, Mo’Nique, who won for her portrayal of a gruesome mother in “Precious,” lifted her floor-length dress to reveal her unshaved calves, abundant in their hairiness.

This did not go over well. On Web sites like, people posted comments like “I have to HURL now … Disgusting is an understatement.” It would seem that a collective ewww rang out nationwide, one designed to make every ’tween girl snap to attention and realize that leg hair is not allowed.”

A simple google search produced these images:










What is it about body hair that is so unacceptable? Why am I a failure if I don’t shave? Why am I acceptable if the only hair on my body is on my head? Why are the expectations so completely different for men and women? Why am I seen as lazy, unorganised and disgusting if my eyebrows/armpits/lips/chin/legs/pubic area/bottom/stomach/back/arms/feet/hands aren’t plucked, shaved or lasered?

What are your thoughts?

Me? Well, sometimes I’ll shave and sometimes I won’t. I won’t judge women or men by whether they shave or not.

We are all free to choose. And I’ll love you whatever you choose.


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Her name was Lola…

My good friend Gabrielle (hello!) often likes to drop F bombs on me. Or as I like to call them, Fem Bombs. Both sound equally as offensive. Neither mean what you think they mean.


She’ll casually message me over facebook or text me from time to time with a question like:

“I just read a really interesting article about women changing their surnames after marriage. Can I ask what made you decide to change yours?”

(Really Interesting Article)

Well Gabrielle!

I did think about it a lot, and initially I wanted to double barrel it. I wanted to honour my family and continue it’s name (especially with my Dad not having a son to ‘carry’ it on), but then I went on to think about how I wanted or needed my main point of reference to change from my parents to my partner. I wanted to form a strong partnership that would enable us to be such united parents like my parents were. It’s the whole roots and wings thing for me, and actually, I knew that the best way I could carry my family’s ‘legacy’ forward was to honour them through the way that I live and the choices I make and to learn from their lives and choices.


THEN I had a little think about how I would have felt if my mum and dad had had different names, if and how it would affect me. For example – which name would I take? Which family or ‘side’ did I belong to or relate to most? What would I do when I had kids? Give them four last names?! Did my mum and dad not want to commit to each other completely? Does it matter? And other such wonderings.


I THEN thought about Russ’s family name, and just simply getting to know his family and their families and what I thought and felt about them. Over a handful of years I learnt a lot and I’m still learning – but what I’ve found are people. People. Just like the people in my family. People with stories, history, pain, grief, joy, love, warmth – and the last thing on my mind is what our names are.


From the day Russ and I started dating I felt strongly about not wanting to lose myself to the relationship. I had been ‘lost’ so many times before, I’d seen so many people get ‘lost’ and I didn’t want to sink and just be ‘Russ’s girlfriend’ or ‘Russ’s wife’.

I wanted to be Kate.

An individual who was free and independent with her own mind. And you know, Russ knew that. Before I told him. I didn’t have to spell it out – he knew my heart and he wanted to be the one to free me from the crap that bound me from negative experiences in my past.


For our last wedding anniversary he gave me a bird cage, with a bird shaped candle inside.

He told me that the door on this little bird cage would never be closed – and that has been our biggest promise to each other for 6 years now – to give each other wings, to free each other from pain, insecurities – anything that holds us back. To want the best for each other and to FIND ourselves within the promises we made, not lose ourselves.


So, finally, I decided to take on a new name, a new chapter, a new role, a new journey and to ‘fly the nest’ I guess.

It’s a beautiful name and it’s one my parents were more than happy to give to me when Russ asked them if he could propose.


But, you know, more importantly – MOST importantly – at the end of the day…

I honestly don’t care if nobody remembers my name.

I just want to love others and empower people to love themselves and others.

THAT’S a legacy.

THAT’S something to honour.

That’s what I have learnt.

Simple as.


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Can I get an ‘F’!?!

Welcome one and all to mon blog!

I’m going to put this out there right now – this blog is totally and completely full to the BRIM of me-ness and my ramblings. This means it’ll focus mainly around:

Being female, being a daughter, creativity , being a sister, being a friend, failing gloriously, being a wife, being a mummy (one day!), having depression, living with unexplained chronic pain, being angry, questions of faith, sex, food, alternative lifestyles, being a geek, music, films, being flipping messy….and everything in between. I also want to promise/warn you that I will try to be completely honest. And I mean, HONEST. So please don’t read this if you’d rather eat a rich tea biscuit and watch the world go by.

I’m thinking we start with a list of things that are in my head RIGHT NOW. This could be interesting. I said could. It’s not a guarantee.

Numero uno – I like making people laugh.

Two – Children are GOLD and should be treated with respect, love and understanding.

Three – I have three teapots and I don’t drink tea.

4 – Charity shops are IMPORTANT and they can change your life.

5ive – Feminism is not a dirty word.

Six – Life is about love. MY life is about love. And yours should be too. Jus’ sayin’.

7 – I sweat and cry more than the average sheila. NICE RIGHT. Don’t care.

8 – Be the change you want to see. Write the book you want to read. A third thing that rhymes.


10 – Barbecue spare ribs. Yep.

11 – I love Kung Fu movies.

Twelve – Embrace the paradox. Act in the face of overwhelm. Love people well. (Courtney Martin)

13een – I love to learn.

14 – I am way too emotional about food.

15 – Everybody poos. Yes you! You poo! And now everybody knows. Sorry.

So this is me.

Saying hi.

Over & out.


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The life of Lyndall

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